When Your Bones Are Heavy, Lay Them On Me
by Tonight.At.Noon
Summary: Rey awakens to find him in her room.


**A/N:** Controversial pairing, I know. But I like them. So, here you go.

And please, if you are not a fan, move right along. Thank you.

Enjoy.

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 **When Your Bones Are Heavy, Lay Them On Me**

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"I can still feel you."

Rey's eyes snapped open. Panic and dread filled her system, instantly making her sick. All too soon her eyes focused on the wild brute. His face was calm. His red, full lips sat in a straight line. His eyes were on her face, an unwavering and unblinking stare. She swallowed a gasp, holding tight to the golden-coloured sheet, the only source of brightness in her grey room, wrapped around her body, and sat up in her bed. Her loose hair fell over her face. The figure before her blurred.

Inside her chest, her heart thrashed erratically. It slammed, hard and painfully, into her ribs.

Raising one hand, Rey moved the hair out of her eyes and blinked several times, trying in vain to get him to disappear. She felt, for a moment, that he was a dream. A wild, evil creature come to haunt her nightmares. But he was still there after she opened her eyes, standing far away from her bed dressed in dark nightclothes.

He looked entirely different than the last time she saw him. Stronger. Unlike then, when his jaw shivered and his eyes turned glassy, shining over with unshed, angry tears, he was composed.

"Ben," she said, catching the slight annoyed twitch of his lips at the sound of his name. "What are you doing here?"

"Can you not still feel me?" he asked, ignoring her question as per usual.

He had to be in control of the conversation. He had to be in control of _everything_. If he wasn't, things started falling apart; he'd learned that by now.

It was childish of him. But then, what was he if not a young, innocent boy trapped inside the body of the Supreme Leader of the dreaded First Order?

Rey couldn't tell if she should feel sorry for him, or if she should roll her eyes at the thought.

"You aren't afraid of me anymore," he observed, tilting his head. "Why is that?"

Was that right?

It didn't sound right.

She remembered only seconds ago when she became aware of his invasive presence in her room and the way her body recoiled intuitively out of alarm. But if she focused on her mind now, on her heart, she recognised how calm she felt in comparison. Perhaps her initial reaction was due to surprise and not actual fear.

Had their battle together, in which Ben fought by her side and protected her, caused this shift?

Was it the Force? Frenzied in its attempts to keep the link between them intact?

Or was it simply him?

He had reclaimed Kylo Ren's persona. Tied himself up with bitterness and anger and smugness to fit the role he had been playing since Snoke dragged him from his innocence. But she was bound to him, and though she had been fighting against such a connection for months and months, she did not feel as much bitterness from him.

It was more like loneliness. More than even before.

Ruling the dark side must be so . . . isolating.

"Ah, so you can still feel me. You're in my head right now."

Rey snapped her attention to Ben. He had moved slightly in her direction. She instinctively readjusted the sheet, ignoring how her nipples must be making shapes against the material.

"What does it matter?" she asked, moving to sit against the cool, metal wall at her back. "You're a lost cause, Ben. As am I, to you."

The Solo boy grimaced. His top lip bounced up in a sort of half-snarl. She wouldn't have been shocked if he accompanied it with a throaty growl.

"It matters. For two reasons," he explained. "The first being that Snoke lied. He did not cause this Force Bond. This"—he gestured between them—"is purely us. If it had been his creation, it would have disappeared when I killed him."

He moved again, further forward, and this time her heart jolted a little at his nearness. He stood at the edge of her bed and knelt down. Tightening the sheet, she brought her knees up for extra protection from his all-seeing eyes. She would not be surprised to learn he had implants that allowed him to look through materials.

He was so close to her now. So close that she could hear his ragged, excited breathing. He loved torturing her.

She could feel it, too. His breath washed over her face, moving the little wisps of her hair past her cheeks. It tickled.

"The Force wants us together," he said, soft.

His voice, when it whispered to her like that, sent jolts to her core.

She heard him in her head.

 _Say it_.

"And the second thing?" she pressed, trying to calm her body down.

Her thighs prickled. They ached. But she ignored the sensation and focused on Ben's face.

He lifted one portion of his mouth into a flashing smirk.

Unease entered her body. He looked as if he had won some game she was unaware they had been playing.

"The second thing," he lulled, his mouth once again a straight line. He placed his hands on her bed, and she did not order him off. "I feel everything. Unlike you, I haven't been trying to move against the Force. I have been letting it control me."

Poor Ben.

Rey eyed him with hints of sadness.

Snoke may be gone, but Ben was unused to being on his own. He needed a master. Snoke was dead. Luke was dead. All that remained was the Force.

"It moves me to your side when I'm not expecting it. Links our minds when you are ignoring it," he said, his voice trembling. "I watch you when you sleep some nights," he admitted.

Rey knew this. Whenever he entered her dreams, she felt him there. Beside her.

"The Force brings me, and I do not fight it. But when it does not physically take me, it lets me enter your mind," he said dangerously. Pausing for a moment, he eventually asked, "What was his name?"

Rey's eyes widened in shock. Her jaw unhinged and hung limply.

Frowning, nostrils billowing, the girl stood up on her knees, holding the sheet over herself as she towered above Kylo Ren.

His eyes followed her.

"How dare you," she seethed after she finished spluttering incoherently. "That is such a violation! Such a . . . a horrible thing to do! I'm so disgusted."

"I did not see you," he snapped, the calm facade washing away for a second. He cleared his throat and his next words were far more stable. "I only felt you."

"But still! You could have ignored it. You could have been a decent human being for one fucking second in your life!"

Kylo Ren stood up. At his full height, his dark eyes, which glowed in the soft light offered by the moon and stars, were level with hers as she remained on her knees. "I thought you would have learned by now that I am nothing close to a decent human being. I am the Supreme"—

—"Yeah, yeah, the Supreme Leader of the First Order," she mimicked, her face hot. "You're also just a fucking, lousy creep."

They fumed in each other's faces. Their mouths were parted, bouncing soundlessly as if each were struggling to speak first, but neither could come up with anything to say.

She hated him. A little while ago, she thought she could save him. Thought she could bring him to the light. Those visions had been false, though. She would never be able to rescue this monster.

She didn't want to try anymore.

 _Ha_!

A blatant lie.

She was addicted to his redemption.

Gathering herself, she said quietly, "Just leave, Ren."

Rey sunk down, her bottom resting against her heels. The sheet bunched, but she didn't hurry to correct it.

He was still there.

Shifting her gaze upward, Rey took in his sunken face. From down here, the scar running across his eye and over his cheek looked gnarled and deeper than it truly was. She recalled how angry she had been during their clash in the snow. How badly she wanted to hurt him. To _kill him_.

So much had changed since then.

She didn't want to kill him anymore. Not even following his hidden confession.

"Why did you come here?" she asked, adding, before he could make the obvious excuse, "And don't tell me it was the Force. I know how this bond works. We can fight against it if we try. You wanted to be here. Was it really just to taunt me?"

"No," he said quickly. Then, "Tell me his name."

Rey almost laughed. For someone who loved asking questions, he despised answering them. "Why do you want to know his name?"

"I felt you that night," he said, stating what she already knew. What he had already said twice before. "There was pain—I sensed it. But there was also . . . pleasure, an indulgent sort of satisfaction. You were warm with both."

Memories from that night flashed into her head, unbidden. She remembered his body on top of hers. She heard her own cries of agony as he entered her. After some time, most of the uncomfortableness melted away and transformed into something much more bearable.

Closing her eyes to shake away the images, she opened them and looked back at Ben. He could see inside of her mind; he was remembering with her. That snarl had returned.

Opening their connection a tiny bit, Rey searched out Ben in the room. Immediately she found him and entered his head.

What she unearthed bewildered her.

She couldn't help herself. She lowered her eyebrows and leaned back, saying to Ben—no, _telling Ben_ , "You're jealous." There was a slight lift at the end of the word. It was almost a question.

Ben retreated. He stepped back, his head moving side to side in denial. "Jealous?" he spat. "Of what?"

"Oh, not jealous, then. You don't like that word, do you? _Envious_ , then. How's that?"

"Worse, and equally untrue."

"I think you're forgetting just how this bond operates. You can't hide from me when your guard is down, Ben, just as I can't hide from you."

His hands were balled tight. She half-expected him to take a swing at the shelving unit to his left.

As she watched him pant like an animal, his face cloaked in confused anger, Rey felt a shift in the air. He was ashamed of his envy. He feared it. Because all of this between them meant he had grown attached—it meant he had _emotions_. Emotions far outside of rage and misery. Whether or not it was the Force binding them initially, Ben Solo had moved beyond that and looked upon her now with admiration. With affection.

"You lie!" he shouted, having been listening to her thoughts.

"I really, really don't. You said it yourself," she defended. Twisting her nose up, Rey stared at him defiantly. "Or don't you remember that lovely talk about my parents? _You're nothing, but not to me_. Ring any bells?"

Ben's throat made a strangled retching sound. Every muscle on his face twitched.

He was not used to such an adversary. She allowed an inkling of pride to seep into her head, which only increased the jerked movement of Ben's left eye.

"You feel it too," he said suddenly. She felt him moving about her thoughts again. _I don't_ , she told him silently. He looked unconvinced. "You do, I can sense it."

Waving her eyes about his large body, she tried bringing forth those sentiments she had for Ben— _Kylo_ _Ren—_ that night in the forest. But they long ago fell by the wayside, replaced by something far more dangerous.

Because he was right, of course.

"So, you're not denying it," she said timidly.

"Nor are you," he countered, stalking nearer the bed.

Now who was the proud one. It didn't matter that she had caught him out first so long as she went down with him.

He was right above her again, peering down his nose at her with a fresh twist of darkness in his stare.

In the silence of her room, the beating of their hearts could be heard. _Thump thump thump_. They pounded in time, syncing up through the bond. Rey's throat vibrated with each beat.

She was going to say something else—anything else—to stop this silliness from progressing any further, when a solid knock echoed through the room. Head jerking to the side, Rey knew the bond had been torn as a wave of coldness seeped through her.

Calling out to her visitor, she looked out of the corner of her eye to where Ben had been standing. The spot was empty.

"It's me," a voice responded.

 _It's him_.

Rey got out of bed and walked to the door, bringing the sheet to cover her shoulders, no longer able to challenge Ben's revelation that she cared for him. Her hand on the doorknob, she foolishly found herself wishing they had not been interrupted. This was her tormenter, after all. The villain to her hero. She was being wholly unwise in all of this.

But his eyes, and, most importantly, his mind. . . .

One look into them and she knew he was not as wasted as everyone thought. As even she thought months ago.

"Are you going to let me in?"

Rey's hand tightened on the doorknob. "Yeah, sorry. I was busy cleaning," she said, finally opening the door.

"Cleaning," he said, immediately entering the room without an invitation. "This place is always so spotless. What do you need to clean for?"

She was unprepared for this interaction. Funny how she had more to say to the literal ruler of the dark side of the Force than to the man who, just a couple of weeks ago, took her virginity.

Rey left the door open. She remained where she stood, though she turned and watched the man gather nonexistent dust from the table by her bed, a smile on his face.

"You don't look happy to see me," he observed. His blond hair drifted over his eyes. Moving the curled locks aside, his focus drifted over her clearly-naked body. She tightened the sheet reflexively. "I thought I'd stop by to see how you were doing. Sorry it's been a little while; work got busy. I'm sure you know how it is."

She did know. Trust her to find distraction in the smuggest technician on the base the Resistance had made its home since its last head-to-head with the First Order. She sure knew how to pick them.

Poe had warned her about him when they first met, but she was desperate to get her mind off of the mounting stress and this guy seemed, at the time, like the best option. Sure enough, when he kissed her for the first time a number of weeks ago, everything melted away. She had been craving that sort of numbing for months.

Was he still inside of her head? Could Ben feel her itching to forget?

"Hey, you look really deep in thought." He had moved in front of her. A sickening smile tugged his thin lips. There was a glint of danger in his blue eyes. "Need me to help you relax?"

Before thinking it through, Rey said, "Actually, I need you to leave."

She shook her head in disbelief.

 _No_. She needed him to _stay_. That was the deal she had made with herself. She fooled around with the technician and as a result had a deep, dreamless rest. Except for the times Ben found her in her sleep.

But she remained by the open door, her hand directing him outside.

The technician looked confused. "Are you sure? I could take all of your troubles away."

"I'm sure," she said, resolute. "I'm busy."

"With what?"

"With . . . things. I'll talk to you later."

Reluctantly, he passed through the doorway. "Yeah, I'll talk to you later. Have a good night, Rey."

"Yeah. Yep," she stuttered, swinging the door shut. "You, uh, too. 'Night."

Leaning against the closed metal door, Rey breathed in deep and exhaled slowly. She had a thousand conflicting thoughts running wild in her head, and most of them involved finding a way to get Ben back into her room.

Everyone would be so disappointed with her. Luke especially.

She had no control over this, though. No matter how hard she tried to shut him out, to forget what his tear-stained face looked like as she abandoned him on Crait, he kept crawling back.

 _He's gone_.

Rey sent the message through the bond, her fingers and toes clenched all the while in guilt. Excitement ran inside of her as well, however. It bubbled in her chest and spread throughout her veins and capillaries, reaching the ends of her hair and settling below her stomach. It was an odd sensation. One she was not used to. It mixed with the trepidation she felt at calling Ben into her quarters. But she welcomed the mixture and waited, her breaths shallow, for Ben to return.

"It's warm here," he noted, appearing suddenly before her. He appeared calmer than when he left. He probably spent the last few minutes attacking helpless stormtroopers. "You must feel at home."

"It's a pleasant change to the island. Though," she said lowly, "I find myself missing the rain."

There was maybe two feet of physical space between them. Rey kept her back on the door, her hands on the sheet.

"What is happening to us?" he asked, ignoring her talk of rain.

"What do you mean?"

Ben stepped an inch closer. "I am confused by all of this," he said, waving a large, ungloved hand around. "I thought I understood, but nothing is clear to me now. I am completely blinded."

Another inch. And another.

There remained one foot between them.

She could smell him. His body radiated power and fear. It smelled of the woods at night.

"Except you. I can always see you," he said, pausing with six inches left. "What does that mean?"

"I"—Rey tried to speak, but no words came to her. She understood what Ben was asking, but she had no answers. She was as lost as him.

"You will never join me," he said after she fumbled with her response. "I understand that now, Rey."

Her name on his lips sounded sweet and painful. It crept into her ears and fanned that spark between her thighs.

"I won't," she said firmly. Really, though, she had no way of knowing if this was true. She felt such a pull to the dark, which she fought daily. One day it might be too much.

He was _right there_. Right in front of her. Her head tilted back—he was too tall.

"And you," she said, throat tight, "you won't come to the light." This she hoped was not true, even as he nodded.

"We are at an impasse, then."

"As we always seem to be," she agreed.

A low hum entered the room as the air conditioning kicked on. Standing beneath a vent, Rey coiled the sheet tighter around herself, her focus directly on Ben. His eyes drifted to her chest.

She should step away. Practically no air stirred between them; he was almost pressed against her. Her neck was beginning to hurt from the effort of looking into his darkening eyes. There was a minuscule voice bleating in the back of her head, ordering her to open the door and run away. But she kept her feet planted where they were, her fingers desperate to reach up and roam through Ben's long, black waves.

The leader of the First Order pressed his hands against the door, laying them flat beside Rey's head. Her ears rang as her heartbeat quickened. Ben's head drifted closer and closer until his mouth, warm with breath, met her cheek.

"Why him?" he hummed, his voice sending shockwaves to Rey's stomach.

She was fizzing. Bubbles filled her, head to toe, as if someone had poured a carbonated drink over her exposed brain.

Was this the Force messing with her?

No, she knew it wasn't. She knew it was only him.

Puffing out a breath, Rey tried to focus on his question. "He was there," she decided. "I was lonely and bored and looking for something to take my mind off of. . . ." She trailed off.

"Me," he finished for her, no room for argument.

Acquiescing, Rey lifted and dropped her head shamefully. "I would go to him whenever I felt the Force trying to bring us together."

"So tonight," Ben said, "when I came to you, you were waiting for him."

"I was hoping he would drop by. I knew you were going to come, though I don't know how."

"Is that why you are not wearing any clothes?"

There was a distinctive growl attached to Ben's accusation. Rey felt heat pool between her thighs as each word reached her.

She was being a fool. A really stupid, silly fool. But God help her she wanted this.

"Yes," she said finally.

Ben's right hand lifted away from the door and cupped her cheek. His thick fingers splayed against the back of her head as his thumb swept away the dribbles of sweat on her face.

At his touch, Rey, helpless to stop it, released a strained moan. Blood lifted to the surface of her skin, tingeing her entire body pink.

"Do you want him now?" Ben checked. His mouth brushed her earlobe. Rey spasmed in response.

"No," she admitted. "There, are you happy?"

Ben moved his head. He looked into her eyes, and Rey found a lake of fire in his gaze, heating her even more. "That depends," he said. "Do you want me?"

Rolling her eyes, Rey said, "You're such a child."

"Maybe I am. Maybe you're right in saying I'm jealous of the man who had you first, but tell me, Rey." He left her cheek and took her jaw in his hand. "Do you want me now?"

She knew what she _should_ say. Knew what the safe answer was. But there was danger in the air tonight. It intoxicated her, and she threw caution to the wind.

Rey looked him daringly in the eye, a slickness growing beneath her sheet. "Yes," she said.

No more words.

Ben's mouth crushed against hers, filling Rey to the brim with memories and licking the inside of her mouth with an electric current that set her hair on-end. She opened her jaw wide, her eyes shutting of their own accord, and lifted her arms to coil around Ben's neck. She planted her fingers in his soft hair, sighing happily into his mouth.

Her hands no longer holding up the sheet, she felt it slip away from her body. It gathered at her feet in a mindless pile.

She kicked the golden thing away, pulling Ben closer to her. Her naked breasts flattened against his chest. She felt a soft grumble rise from his throat as her pebbled nipples rubbed against the fabric of his shirt. Smiling into the kiss, Rey twirled a strand of Ben's hair around her finger and tugged, triumphant. Pulling away from her, Ben's inky eyes took in her uncovered form. Bending, he pressed feathery kisses on her chest until her skin shone with his saliva and she was writhing like an untamed beast.

Ben raised his head, looking down upon her once more. His other hand broke away from the door and he moved it down her face, her breast, her stomach, until it rested on her hip. He stared into her eyes the entire time, almost asking permission to continue his exploration. She gave no indication he should stop, and she flinched when the rough tips of his fingers met the wiry hair at the apex of her thighs.

"You're wet," he said wondrously, frowning almost in disbelief.

"And I bet," she said, reaching for the front of his trousers, "that you are like a rock."

He was. She felt him instantly through the fabric, her eyes alight. Ben's mouth dropped open.

Rey's hand drifted up to the hem of his black top. She tugged for only a second before he got the hint and removed the item. Then she moved her attention the his trousers. They were tied up with a string and she yanked the neat bow. In a flourish, the pair stood naked together, their hungry eyes exploring the other.

Ben was covered in scars. She traced one at his side, her eyes shutting as an image passed through her mind. She felt searing pain between her ribs as Chewie, howling in despair, shot her with his bowcaster.

Before too much of that night could return to her, Rey traveled up his bare side and seized the back of his neck, bringing him back down to her lips. She kissed him fiercely, a thrill racing through her as his hardness bounced against her hip.

"Take me to the bed," she panted into his mouth, yelping when Ben picked her up and brought her to the mattress.

He sat on the end of the bed. She sat on his lap, her knees either side of him, her arms wrapped around his shoulders. His hands were at her back, travelling up and down her spine. Despite the air conditioning in the room, their flesh was hot to the touch.

This was happening. There was no chance of her taking any of this back. Not that she wanted to take it back. She was ready for this. Maybe not for the consequences it would bring, but she was ready for everything else. At least, she hoped she was.

Their breaths tangled as they sat on the bed, neither one moving except to bring each other's air into their lungs.

"I have never done this before."

There he was again, clear as day. Ben Solo, the lost boy.

Rey cradled his head, their noses brushing. She kissed him gently. Breaking away, she said, "It's all right. We can go slow." Then she added, "I'm not all that experienced myself, mind you."

She kissed him again, pressing her hands to his chest and lowering him onto his back. His head rested on her pillow. His face was illuminated by the soft lamp by her bed. In this light, she could barely make out the scar, but she traced where she knew it was, following it from above his eyebrow to his shoulder. He shivered beneath her touch.

Reaching down behind her back, Rey grasped him. He jolted, closing his eyes tight and letting loose a rumbling snarl.

"Breathe," she said, telling herself just as much as him, as she got to her knees and lowered herself over him.

He sat against her headboard, watching her. She watched him too from where she lay. She was mesmerised by his entire being. Sweat lingered on his skin, giving him a delicate sheen. His hair remained perfect, though a number of strands were plastered to his neck.

But there was no evil in his gaze. Just . . . happiness. And, perhaps, a small dose of confusion.

"We would not have been able to do this when the bond first formed," he said, reaching out and running his nails over her back.

Rey smiled. "That's definitely true."

He smiled back. An honest smile.

God, he was beautiful.

"So are you," he commented.

Rey's face heated. "Get out of my head," she said jokingly.

She wondered what time it was. It had been close to lights out when Ben came to her. It must be the middle of the night now.

She also wondered what their next step was. After all, he still ruled over the First Order. She still fought for the Resistance. This was no accidental slip-up, either. It was fought for from both sides. Neither of them tried very hard to stop it from happening.

Rey wanted him to join her. Not only on her bed, but in her fight to defeat the dark side.

Ben's hand stopped its trek up her back. "It isn't your job to rescue me, Rey," he said.

"I know," she said bitterly, recalling all of the memories that had flashed in her head as they were joined. There was so much pain inside of him. She just knew if she could get him to denounce the First Order, he would be free of the hurt. "But I can try."

Silence descended upon them for a time. Ben resumed his dance on her spine.

"What happens now?" She couldn't avoid the question any longer.

"I'm not sure," he answered, and she could sense the truth in his response. "But I know I won't be able to stop myself from coming back."

"I don't think I'll be able to fight the bond anymore," she said.

Because she wasn't just addicted to his redemption. She was addicted to _him_. Now she had tasted him, she would never allow herself to go hungry.

Eventually they slept. Wrapped in his arms, Rey's unconscious mind melded with Ben's and they shared many dreams. Hours later, Rey's alarm blared. She vocally turned it off, turning over in the bed to find the spot beside her empty, the scent of the woods still in the air.


End file.
